A Fleeting Feeling

We all have experiences- wonderful, amazing experiences that we wish we could replay over and over and over. Instead, all that remains is a shadow of a state of mind that, for a period of time, you were living. The resulting emotion is a mixture of happiness at the good times and sadness at their passage with just a hint of longing for them to return. Words can't quite convey the feeling. It takes a uniquely special experience for me to feel it, but here I am and boy do I feel it. Ah well. I had a great weekend with a family that I'm blessed to have and I know there are many more of those to come.

The Opening of the Season

As I sit in history class, I gaze thoughtfully out the window to a bright day outside. It's a beautiful day and I can't wait to fully experience it after a hard day of testing and note-taking.

Today is the first tennis match of the season and I can't wait. It's been just under a year since I had the chance to experience the high school season. The particular emotions that have historically accompanied this time rush through my body. High school tennis has offered its share of mixed feelings. There have been things that frustrated me and made me, at times, hate the entire concept. On the other hand, I've had great times with good friends on the team and have had many memorable experiences. In my senior and final year on the team, I'm hoping for more of the latter.

The year mark also brings to mind the changes of the past year- as such anniversaries do. I'm reminded of the great things that happened last March through May, both in regards to tennis and otherwise. Today, nothing can be done to change the aspects that fall within the "otherwise" category, but it will signal the beginning of a brand-new tennis season. One that I am determined to make successful.

The Power of Song

As I was getting my school things together this morning, I quickly checked my blog to see if any of my friends had updated. Music began streaming from the computer speakers and immediately my day got brighter. Remembering all of the wonderful emotions and memories associated with this music brought a smile to my face.

And with this smile, I head off to school!

Catalysts

There are certain things in life - people, places, events - that affect you like nothing else. These effects can be positive or negative. They can be inspiring or they can be self-defeating. They can be beautiful or detestable. Regardless, these things, these catalysts, evoke a profound, striking emotion that leaves you thinking for a long time after they made their initial mark.

Inspired By Frost

Back at school.

Now, I'm no fool.

Yet, I feel as though I need to take,

Another long break.

For some reason I've felt recently,

That I should act decently,

To create a poem to compose,

My feelings in prose.

One might suppose,

That, in fact, this poem is not prose!

I needed a rhyme, I'd say,

If you don't like, stay away!

Inspired by the likes of Hughes,

I've felt the burning poetic desire.

After all, I have nothing to lose,

And I will quell the poetic fire.

This poem is not exactly flawless,

Actually, it's somewhat of a mess!

It meets not my expectation,

I had hoped for after examination:

I noticed upon further consideration,

That this poem lacks adequate alliteration.

Qualities characteristic of Frost;

Upon me they are lost.

Yet still, in the name of blog, I try,

As time has flown by.

It takes a hold of me;

Sometimes I can't break free.

I haven't updated and blogged,

in about two weeks.

I feel as though school has hogged,

My time that, away, still leaks.

I thought that after college application,

And loads of IB homework,

I could afford some relaxation.

Instead the ghost of work

Continues to lurk.

College applications are an interesting beast.

I thought that after January first,

My worry regarding them would burst,

Yet upon my happy countenance, they continue to feast.

We have just over a month to wait,

And I'm in a dire strait!

Where will I get admitted?

Definitely not everywhere I submitted

An application of full of hope.

Let's hope there will be no reason to mope.

With no expectations,

I look toward my notifications.

I look toward the future:

Toward college and independence.

It's scary, to be sure,

To be waiting on the fence,

Between childhood and reality-

It's quite the duality.

Yet, here I sit in the present,

In psychology class,

While challenged, I feel pleasant,

Indeed, while hard, I would never pass,

On the life I've been given,

The life I love to be livin'!

Kaleidoscope of Emotions

Today, I have felt a huge variety of emotions, both positive and negative.

Here are a select few:

Elation Appreciation Surprise! Happiness

Joy Humor Gluttony Thoughtful

Seriousness Acceptance Passion Nervousness

Depression Contentedness Disappointment Confidence

Accomplished Pride Worry

Shame Sick Awkwardness Reflectiveness

Longing Embarrassment Frustration Interest

Affection Reflectiveness Jealousy Longing

Confusion Curiosity Flattery Comfort Love

Tiredness Excitement Stress Bliss

All part of an excellent day.

Providence

I sit on a bed in Providence as rain patters on the window.

I think to myself the words of the founder of Providence, Roger Williams, that by "God's... Providence" I find myself here. It seems to me extraordinary that I am here for some reason I can't put my finger on. Is it because I am lucky enough for the opportunity to travel across the nation? Because it is somewhere I have never been or even imagined of being? Or simply because out of the entire world, I am drawn to the small city of Providence to seek out the beginning of the rest of my life?

Roaming around the country, looking at areas where I could very well be spending the next four years of my life makes me think about those four years. I see in these campuses unlimited potential for an enriching experience. The potential to pursue interests, to embark on a professional career, to truly become the person I want to be. It's something difficult to think about, much less work to accomplish.

There are so many aspects to life, it's strange to imagine them all changing within the next eight months or so, yet that will be a result. Everything will change. This seems clear as I look around to see a culture distinctly and profoundly different than what I've lived in for almost 18 years.

For the most part, I'm excited. Fashioning my own lifestyle is an amazing prospect. I just hope I don't go wrong in doing it. For the most part, I have confidence in myself and am assured that I will embrace the changes gracefully. Still... there are nagging thoughts. Little demons that terrorize my vision of an ideal future. Will I be lonely? Will I be overwhelmed with schoolwork in addition to the new wave of things to be done? Will I forget the dreams and hopes I have now, on the outset of my life? Will I have the courage and conviction to make a break with my life as I now know it?

In looking off to the endless, dark fog of the future, the only idea that really stabilizes me is faith that no matter what happens, it will all turn out the way it should. I don't know quite how to describe it. Above all aspects of my faith, the idea that everything will be good in the end functions as my rock. It helps me get through the hardest times in my life, as I'm sure it will in this case. I don't know why, but for some reason, that idea has never been challenged for me. In the face of the world, I can always look within myself to know that life flows the way it's meant to.