Sunday, January 17, 2010


I sit on a bed in Providence as rain patters on the window.

I think to myself the words of the founder of Providence, Roger Williams, that by "God's... Providence" I find myself here. It seems to me extraordinary that I am here for some reason I can't put my finger on. Is it because I am lucky enough for the opportunity to travel across the nation? Because it is somewhere I have never been or even imagined of being? Or simply because out of the entire world, I am drawn to the small city of Providence to seek out the beginning of the rest of my life?

Roaming around the country, looking at areas where I could very well be spending the next four years of my life makes me think about those four years. I see in these campuses unlimited potential for an enriching experience. The potential to pursue interests, to embark on a professional career, to truly become the person I want to be. It's something difficult to think about, much less work to accomplish.

There are so many aspects to life, it's strange to imagine them all changing within the next eight months or so, yet that will be a result. Everything will change. This seems clear as I look around to see a culture distinctly and profoundly different than what I've lived in for almost 18 years.

For the most part, I'm excited. Fashioning my own lifestyle is an amazing prospect. I just hope I don't go wrong in doing it. For the most part, I have confidence in myself and am assured that I will embrace the changes gracefully. Still... there are nagging thoughts. Little demons that terrorize my vision of an ideal future. Will I be lonely? Will I be overwhelmed with schoolwork in addition to the new wave of things to be done? Will I forget the dreams and hopes I have now, on the outset of my life? Will I have the courage and conviction to make a break with my life as I now know it?

In looking off to the endless, dark fog of the future, the only idea that really stabilizes me is faith that no matter what happens, it will all turn out the way it should. I don't know quite how to describe it. Above all aspects of my faith, the idea that everything will be good in the end functions as my rock. It helps me get through the hardest times in my life, as I'm sure it will in this case. I don't know why, but for some reason, that idea has never been challenged for me. In the face of the world, I can always look within myself to know that life flows the way it's meant to.

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